the signs as code comments in the ps2 enter th…

aka a game, according to The Cutting Room Floor, that’s “well-known for being a complete buggy mess”

ARIES: SPU WAD STREAM FAILED! BIG FUCK! TELL TONY!
TAURUS: load failed: background-object “%s” has too many polygons. Around 1000 vertices pr object is the max
GEMINI: damn you for spawning this many particles at once 
CANCER: soren made a booboo
LEO: WHO’S CALLING MY CODE SHADY! I PITY THE FOOL WHO’S CALLIN’ B’S CODE SHADY! PITY I SAY!
VIRGO: If you are a scripter please tell soren that you have the breaklevel assert. And let him debug it on your machine. Don’t just assume that he already knows about it. Thank you
LIBRA: WARNING: STREAMING DATA IS DANGEROUS
SCORPIO: All files unlocked. Remember to remove this feature from the final version!
SAGITTARIUS: Hey pasteeater, you’re trying to draw an incomplete text element. 
CAPRICORN: Not good. Definitely not efficient. And not allowed. So Fix It.
AQUARIUS: Whore ass. Too many portals. Recursive loop most likely
PISCES: WEAPON NOT FOUND! STATS DEFAULT TO NIOBE PISTOL!! 

the signs as baba is you properties

(I lied slightly, I am in a job application process but also have sunk many hours into this game)

ARIES: MORE
TAURUS: STOP
GEMINI: TELE
CANCER: FALL
LEO: BONUS
VIRGO: PULL
LIBRA: BEST
SCORPIO: EMPTY
SAGITTARIUS: MOVE
CAPRICORN: WIN
AQUARIUS: WORD
PISCES: FLOAT

The Signs as Destiny 2 Exotics

(another submission)

ARIES: Mk. 44 Stand Asides
TAURUS: The Chaperone
GEMINI: Liar’s Handshake:
CANCER: Knucklehead Radar
LEO: Wings of Sacred Dawn
VIRGO: Truth
LIBRA: Sweet Business
SCORPIO:

An Insurmountable Skullfort
SAGITTARIUS: Anarchy
CAPRICORN: Coldheart
AQUARIUS: Eye of Another World
PISCES: Getaway Artist

the signs as kenshi patch notes

ARIES: A 2nd fix for talking animals because the bulls kept swearing when they joined you.
TAURUS: The non-violent food raids go home rather than hang around your food barrels for 4 hours.
GEMINI: Fixed ally campaigns, where allied factions came to support you against a common enemy campaign but left too soon.
CANCER: Stopped characters with the “rescue” job from rescuing dead allies and putting them in beds.
LEO: Default Wanderer now starts with a loincloth so you’re more like the other good-for-nothings. Trousers make you feel like you’re better than everyone else. 
VIRGO: Fixed some foliage rocks sometimes having incorrect dust colour.
LIBRA: Prevent passing squads from stopping to relax in hostile towns if they pass by.
SCORPIO: Fixed not being able to escape from your own cages.
SAGITTARIUS: Fixed wandering trader AI jittering and freaking out after staying in a town more than 6 hours.
CAPRICORN: Beefed up Armour King’s security, because you guys shouldn’t steal from him, the best armourer in the world, you should experience the joys of shopping.
AQUARIUS: If you named your faction “Spiders”, your characters would randomly turn into spiders.
PISCES: Fixed some town NPCs getting deleted from the world if they were knocked out or imprisoned, basically the “murder detector” was too sensitive.

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