the signs as random team member names in worms…

ARIES: Ronnie Rampant
TAURUS: Streaky Bacon
GEMINI: Whiplash
CANCER: The Face
LEO: Seventies Babe
VIRGO: Cravat Man
LIBRA: Venus Demilo
SCORPIO: Soulhunter
SAGITTARIUS: Frank Black
CAPRICORN: Goaty Beard
AQUARIUS: Chuckle Brother
PISCES: Pink Perm

the signs as dodgeball team names from dodgeba…

ARIES: Team Blitzkrieg
TAURUS: The Lumberjacks
GEMIINI: Skillz That Killz
CANCER: Pouncers
LEO: Savage Squad 300
VIRGO: Troop 417
LIBRA: The Gay Gang
SCORPIO: MILFs
SAGITTARIUS: Spleen Mashers
CAPRICORN: Las Vegas Police Department
AQUARIUS: New Orleans Clown Punchers
PISCES: She-Mullets

the signs as actual things written to promote …

(I can’t just do the teams, there are only 8 of them, since they absolutely had to do this apparently, very rude to not do 12)

ARIES: All teeth and talons, eyes unblinking. They know fear because they feed off it.
TAURUS: Resolute. Rippling with heat. Railing against fatigue.
GEMINI: This is hell on wheels, between hash marks.
CANCER: Their bite, unavoidable. Their grip, inescapable.
LEO: This is prime time meets primal instinct. This is showtime with a snarl.
VIRGO: They are your first line of defense, and there is no need for a second.
LIBRA: Deep in the heart of Texas, beats a different kind of pulse. A spirit untamed.
SCORPIO: This is your darkest fantasy, in cleats.
SAGITTARIUS: A swagger that can’t be denied. Where big meets bold meets badass.
CAPRICORN: Seeking glory through grit. Victory through valor.
AQUARIUS: Diving, dodging, swooping, striking. Their mission: create chaos.
PISCES: Rising from the turbulent sea. Beneath the darkening skies of their weather-hardened home.

the signs as first lines of parker novels by r…

ARIES: Butcher’s Moon: “Running toward the light, Parker fired twice over his left shoulder, not caring whether he hit anything or not.”
TAURUS: The Black Ice Score: 

“Parker walked into his hotel room, and there was a guy in there going through his suitcase laid out on his bed.”

GEMINI: The Man with the Getaway Face: “When the bandages came off, Parker looked in the mirror at a stranger.”
CANCER: Comeback: “When the angel opened the door, Parker stepped first past the threshold into the darkness of the cinder block corridor beneath the stage.”
LEO: Backflash: “When the car stopped rolling, Parker kicked out the rest of the windshield and crawled through onto the wrinkled hood, Glock first.”
VIRGO: Flashfire: “When the dashboard clock read 2:40, Parker drove out of the drugstore parking lot and across the sunlit road to the convenience store/gas station.”
LIBRA: Nobody Runs Forever: “When he saw that the one called Harbin was wearing a wire, Parker said, ‘Deal me out a hand,’ and got to his feet.”
SCORPIO: Firebreak: “When the phone rang, Parker was in the garage, killing a man.”
SAGITTARIUS: The Rare Coin Score: “Parker spent two weeks on the white sand beach at Biloxi, and on a white sandy bitch named Belle, but he was restless, and one day without thinking about it he checked out and sent a forwarding address to Handy McKay and moved on to New Orleans.”
CAPRICORN: The Green Eagle Score: “Parker looked in at the beach and there was a guy in a black suit standing there, surrounded by all the bodies in bathing suits.”
AQUARIUS: Hunter: “When a fresh-faced guy in a Chevy offered him a lift, Parker told him to go to hell.”
PISCES: The Sour Lemon Score: “Parker put the revolver away and looked out the windshield.”

the signs as reasons candidates were eliminate…

ARIES: Kayley: Paris felt that she would bring too much drama to her life.
TAURUS: Shelley: Did not seem sad when she was “sent home” in the fake elimination challenge, thus making Paris feel like she would be happier back home.
GEMINI: David: Paris noticed that David was hanging out with other people instead of herself and didn’t think it would work out.
CANCER: Natasha: Performed badly in the 7 Minutes in Heaven challenge. She also disrespected Paris by saying that the challenge was foolish.
LEO: Kristen: Paris didn’t want her in the competition because she would brag a lot. (Kristen had told Paris that she said that the BFF mansion was almost as big as her parents house.)
VIRGO: Michelle: Did not trust Paris’s makeover suggestion.
LIBRA: Desirae: Paris noted that she was up for discussion 3 times and that she had a bad sense of style by saying that “…she [Paris] looked hot…” in an obviously horrible outfit.
SCORPIO: Arika: Paris felt she could not be trusted, because of the fact that she made out with the groom-to-be.
SAGITTARIUS: Baje: Performed badly in the 24-hour party challenge, was anti-social, did not get along well with other contestants and was disrespectful to Paris by laughing during elimination.
CAPRICORN: Corrie: Paris felt that she cared more about herself than friendship.
AQUARIUS: Rachel: Paris thought she was freaky because she tripped at the party, her presentation at show and tell, and the tiger didn’t like it when she pet him.
PISCES: Nicole: Paris thought that she was there to further her career as an actress.

the signs as code comments in the spider-man v…

part two in a series

ARIES: Shouldn’t be in TOSS_GRENADE state

TAURUS: More 256C palettes used than expected
GEMINI: Don’t collide with yourself idiot
CANCER: Repeated softspot
LEO: Fire Matt, he fucked up the rhino XA. Actually, kick him in the nuts first
VIRGO: something’s wrong in the state of denmark
LIBRA: Hmmm… these aren’t equal! Fire Matt immediately
SCORPIO: What the fuck? Scorp ptr isn’t scorp
SAGITTARIUS: Tried to do two fade ups
CAPRICORN: numFrames <= 0 illegal. you’re under arrest dipshit
AQUARIUS: Unknown die state
PISCES: No ribbons?

the signs as code comments in the ps2 enter th…

aka a game, according to The Cutting Room Floor, that’s “well-known for being a complete buggy mess”

ARIES: SPU WAD STREAM FAILED! BIG FUCK! TELL TONY!
TAURUS: load failed: background-object “%s” has too many polygons. Around 1000 vertices pr object is the max
GEMINI: damn you for spawning this many particles at once 
CANCER: soren made a booboo
LEO: WHO’S CALLING MY CODE SHADY! I PITY THE FOOL WHO’S CALLIN’ B’S CODE SHADY! PITY I SAY!
VIRGO: If you are a scripter please tell soren that you have the breaklevel assert. And let him debug it on your machine. Don’t just assume that he already knows about it. Thank you
LIBRA: WARNING: STREAMING DATA IS DANGEROUS
SCORPIO: All files unlocked. Remember to remove this feature from the final version!
SAGITTARIUS: Hey pasteeater, you’re trying to draw an incomplete text element. 
CAPRICORN: Not good. Definitely not efficient. And not allowed. So Fix It.
AQUARIUS: Whore ass. Too many portals. Recursive loop most likely
PISCES: WEAPON NOT FOUND! STATS DEFAULT TO NIOBE PISTOL!! 

Regular

What the signs are probably doing right now

Aries: making a mood board

Taurus: on a shopping spree

Gemini: playing some instrument

Cancer: taking a bath

Leo: practicing for an audition

Virgo: cleaning

Libra: doing their makeup

Scorpio: staring at someone

Sagittarius: booking a flight

Capricorn: working

Aquarius: somewhere saving the world

Pisces: dreaming about their 6th crush of the day

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!