the signs as rumors about patrick verona in 10…

ARIES, AQUARIUS: Lit a state trooper on fire
LEO, CAPRICORN: Sold his own liver on the black market for a new pair of speakers
TAURUS, SAGITTARIUS: Ate a live duck
CANCER, VIRGO: Knows Marilyn Manson
SCORPIO, PISCES: Slept with the Spice Girls
GEMINI, LIBRA: Faked his Australian accent

the signs as esoteric cliques from the bratz m…

CANCER, LIBRA: the disco dorks
ARIES, SAGITTARUS: the wannabe gangstas
TAURUS, VIRGO: the pretzel people who are into yoga
GEMINI, LEO: the kids who like to dress like dinosaurs
SCORPIO, AQUARIUS: loners who like to hang out together
CAPRICORN, PISCES: people who totally rock the paper vs plastic debate

the signs as benjamin franklin’s pseudonyms

ARIES: Alice Addertongue
TAURUS: Martha Careful
GEMINI: Busy Body
CANCER: Margaret Aftercast
LEO: Benevolus
VIRGO: Patience
LIBRA: Caelia Shortface
SCORPIO: Celia Single
SAGITTARIUS: Anthony Afterwit
CAPRICORN: Ephraim Censorious
AQUARIUS: Silence Dogood
PISCES: Poor Richard Saunders

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